Fooseball

I think fooseball is a combination of soccer and shishkabobs.
~Mitch Hedberg

A measure of strength

Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands...and then eat just one of those four pieces.
~Judith Viorst

Drivers

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
~George Carlin

To love her...

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
~Oscar Wilde

Grandma...

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty.
She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
~Ellen Degeneres

Borrowing money....

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back!

You have enemies?

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
~Winston Churchill